Portrait by Kit Morrison of Kit & Lauryn, July, 2025

 

© 2025 by Kit Morrison 

New short story on the runway, just in time for Halloween

 

Having written nonfiction and essays exclusively since the COVID lockdown and my bout with cancer, I was beyond thrilled to return to my fiction roots to write "The Green" for Tom Deady's forthcoming short story anthology The Rack II which will be released on October 14th, just in time for Halloween. Writers always say how honoured they are to appear in the company of other writers in a given volume, but in the case of The Rack II, I mean it quite literally, both professionally and personally. This is a stellar lineup. And working with Tom, an editor who is both visionary and pragmatic, in no small part because of his own prolific career as a topflight horror writer, was an unequivocal privilege.

Jonathan Joss (1965-2025)

I'm old enough, and not naïve enough, to know why the murder of Indigenous actor Jonathan Joss, who voiced the character of John Redcorn on Kong of the Hill isn't the front page of every newspaper in North America. 

Or why Time magazine, for instance, has not done a cover story on the way Trump regime's relentless campaign to terrorize, even eradicate, queer people has granted tacit permission for a spike in violence against them by their fellow Americans. 

Or how we know that Germany experienced these exact same rumblings of political thunder before the murderous hurricane that was the Holocaust.

I know that, at the end of the day, there will always be people who see queer people as less American, even less human, than other people. The taste in the back of my mouth is my earliest memories of the social climate of the 1970s, when I first became sure of my difference, and the 1980s, when I first came out.

I remember the edicts, both spoken and unspoken, that we were, at best, an annoyance that people wished would go away, and that those people would help that happen, one way or another.

But here are the bare facts in the Joss murder, in June of 2025: after an extended two year period of terrorizing Joss and his spouse, Tristan Kern de Gonzales, their neighbour burned their house to the ground with their three dogs inside.

Two years later, the couple were still receiving their mail at the site. On the fatal day, doing a mail run, the couple found the skull of one of their dead dogs laid out in the driveway, obscenely festooned with his harness and leash.

Then, as the couple grieved anew, in near hysterics, their neighbour, who’d been harassing them for years pulled out a gun and began firing. Joss died pushing Kern de Gonzales out of the way of the bullets, taking them himself instead, and dying in his spouse's arms.

This is why I've grown to hate platitudes like "love is love." This is why I'm no longer interested entertaining the outer edge of a "both sides" argument when it comes to LGBTQ+ existence.

It's why I am utterly impervious to emotionally manipulative claims about the "danger to women and girls" of trans women using the women's restroom, claims that are based 100% on lies, with no facts to back them up, and which are designed to wrap ugly transphobic bigotry in the mantle of both feminist respectability and a dated, violent, corrosive form of fake chivalry that is rooted not in the love of women, but in male ownership of them.

It's because I can still taste the hatred of the 1970s in the back of my throat this morning, reading about this murder, and because that hatred should have died out fifty years ago. Progress is designed to move in only one direction, not to be fractured and maimed, and turned back on itself, repurposed into something horrifying, and terribly, terribly old.

It's because this should never, ever, still be happening, and because the outrage our fellow citizens ought to be feeling— friends, family, and allies, political and otherwise—should be rattling the very rafters of heaven right now.

RIP, Mr. Joss, and peace and comfort to his suffering spouse, Mr. Kern de Gonzales, who is currently living the nightmare that all of us who love on our own terms—our natural terms—dread most.

Chasing the rain

 

I wrote all day today until I was crossed-eyed, then had a late lunch and went for a walk through the boneyard.  I honestly believed my intention was to clear my mind, and to refresh my memories for something I'm working on in which it features prominently, but the truth is, it's one of the places where my memories of Beckett are most prominent. 

I had my ear buds in, and my phone was playing Rachel Portman's exquisite piano-rich score for The Cider House Rules when the rain started to fall, first lightly, then more heavily. 

It occurred to me that children love the rain—they're taught to scream and run for cover, something they've perfected by middle age, but it doesn't come naturally to them. What's natural to them is being in the moment, and finding magic in it, if there's any magic to be found. 

When you're a little older, and you have nowhere you particularly need to be, the rain, particularly in spring, matters less and less. Beckett loved it. It just sluiced off his coat like it was an oilskin. Maybe that's something older people and dogs share. By the time my walk was over, I was drenched. I had an ache in my right hand, my leash hand, and in my chest. I crossed my arms as I walked, something I almost never do. 

I've written about ghosts and haunted houses, even haunted graveyards, but the sweetest ghost haunts the one down the street. I don't know how many more visits to the boneyard I have left in me. If the rain sluicing down your face and soaking your hair makes you feel younger, as you walk slower and slower, savouring the heresy of utterly not caring if you get wet, or how wet you get, the weight of the memories of the people, and the dogs, you've loved and lost has the opposite effect. 

On the way home, far up ahead in the park, an athletic young man walked an athletic young black Labrador. He was wearing a hoodie, so I didn't see his face, but I could imagine his expression as he tugged at his Labrador's leash to bring him closer and get him to focus a bit as the torrent fell straight down from the grey sky. 

I remembered the words of Ecclesiastes: "Rejoice, O young man, in thy youth; and let thy heart cheer thee in the days of thy youth, and walk in the ways of thine heart, and in the sight of thine eyes." 

Good luck getting your Labrador to pay attention in the rain, buddy. Do yourself a favour, though? Pay attention yourself. Hold these memories. Cherish them. Every single moment of them is what life is made of, whether you know it yet or not. 

New book news

I'm delighted to share that my third essay collection is forthcoming. I'm thrilled to be back with the good people at Cormorant Books, one of Canada's premier literary publishers, and the team that shaped my second collection, OTHER MEN'S SONS, into a prize-winner in 2004. Apologies in advance to anyone who thought I might have been felled by illness, or other misfortune, or that I might be keeping quiet for the next four years. There has never been a more pressing time for writers, especially Canadian ones, to do what we were designed to do. Many thanks, as always, to my agent, Sam Hiyate, who quarterbacked the deal, and who has always been in my court, and to Cormorant Books for consistently providing a venue for the best Canadian writing—and a belief in its importance.

'Twas heaven here with you

Last night, the Hero MD™ and I said goodnight to our beloved Beckett for the very last time. In the past month, Beckett’s health and mobility had taken a striking downturn, and the quality of his life no longer honoured the life he’d lived. While the decision to release him from pain and fear was the most responsible, compassionate, and loving decision for Beckett, my brain and my broken heart are temporarily misaligned. The gift of having had this gentle, perfect, precious little soul placed into my care and keeping for his lifetime was one of the greatest blessings of my own life. This photo of Beckett drying off on the dock at Gyles Point, chewing one of Chuck’s fire sticks, is from August 2015. The only thing Beckett loved more than snow was water, especially up in Apsley, on Chandos Lake, in the company of my godchildren, Kate and Michael, who adored him, and whom he adored. I hope that, somehow, by some miracle, time itself curves and bends in the afterlife, and Beckett is back there with all of us, in an eternal summer at the lake, feeling nothing but the warmth of the sun on his soft black fur, and our love enveloping him. This grief is vast and fathomless and terrible. The house is missing its soft, warm nexus, and my empty arms ache. Rest well, my sweet baby. You gave us everything.

New Year's Eve roundup, 2024 edition

 

So, here's the 2024 roundup, which literally no one is obligated to read.

Last year on this day of New Year's Eve, I had just handed in the final revisions on PRIDE, which would be published that spring. A quiet, contemplative New Year's Eve it was.

In February, I visited my friends John Foster and Linda Jones, who made me so welcome in their home on what was my very first trip to Brooklyn.

In April, I saw the first copy of PRIDE in a bookstore.

In May, we started doing press for the book, and in June I attended a special onstage event for the book, hosted by the Kingston Writer’s Festival, and PRIDE was excerpted in the GLOBE AND MAIL. I was also able to revisit my old stomping grounds in Halton Region when we did an event for it at the Burlington Public Library. Best of all, my lifelong friend Lesley Pedraza managed to stop in Toronto on her way to Halifax with her partner, Vince, and seeing her again was a highlight of that month.

In July, I returned to Necon for the first time since both the pandemic and my cancer diagnosis, and it was the site of some glorious reunions with old friends, and the making of some new, very treasured ones.

August was my friends Mike Paris and Mel Cole's wedding in Muskoka, and mine and the Hero MD™’s 39th wedding anniversary, which we celebrated at Scaramouche with our dear friends Kaley and Jane. At the end of August, I welcomed my mentee of 4 years, Dexter to Toronto, to attend film school at Toronto Metropolitan University—a proud moment for us both.

In September, I watched my beloved Jordan Sharpe marry his beautiful fiancée, Clémence in Orillia. I quietly turned 62, and Dexter, used me as a film subject for a class project, which he apparently aced in spite of my ancient, decrepit mug on camera. At the tail end of September, it was back to Kingston to attend the actual Kingston Writer’s Festival, this time to debate the future of democracy, with two historians—one of them a former U.S. congressional speech writer—onstage, at an event moderated by the legendary Carol Off.

As magnificent as that event was, the best part was the three-hour brunch with my brilliant godson, Michael, in the hotel restaurant where his great-grandmother used to take his mother and uncles for brunch when they were children. It occurred to both Michael and I that this had been our first lengthy, uninterrupted conversation ever, without anyone else from the family participating. On the train home, I considered how moving that was, and how proud of him I am.

In October, we were off to Halifax for Canadian Thanksgiving with the Nova Scotia fam, including my goddaughter, Kate, who managed to get me out on the dance floor for the first time since God knows when, at a small-town dance hall. As always, I spent Halloween with my friends Craig Davidson and Colleen Hymers and their kids. The wheel of the year turns for me in autumn.

In November it was off to Chicago for American Thanksgiving with Lauren Braun and family, and to witness the particular joy of watching Laurie’s grandson, Vincent, who is named after me, growing into a beautiful, gentle, joyful little boy as he leaves his “terrible twos.”

And I am now home from the best Christmas ever with the Palm Springs family, feeling very lucky and very loved. You’ve seen the pictures last week, so I won’t clutter them up with words, and I'm sure everyone is tired of hearing about anyone's Christmas at this point, especially mine.

I’ve had two cancer scans this year come back clear, and a bad scare at the end of November turned out to be benign—the definition of a blessing, when I received the results this month in Palm Springs.

I used this group photo of a group of us on the first night of Necon deliberately, and this is why: after the years of lockdown and chemotherapy, what I’d hoped for most in my return to Necon was that the proximity to so many talented writers, and so many good people, would rekindle the fiction spark that I thought illness had snuffed out. I had only written nonfiction since my diagnosis, and I was wondering if I’d ever be able to dream those words, in that way, again. I’m delighted to share that it worked: I am sitting on some fiction news that I’m currently embargoed from sharing, but which I’ll be delighted to share as soon as I’m able.

I know it’s been a very hard year in some ways, for many people. I feel for them, truly—I’ve had more of those years than I've had of this kind.

For instance, I profoundly regret being wrong, onstage in Kingston in September, in affirming my faith in the goodness and wiseness of the majority of American voters, or their concern and compassion for the most vulnerable of their fellow citizens: women, POC, my LGBTQ+ brothers and sisters, children, the poor, and more. As North Americans, we’re in for a bumpy four years, but despair is not a viable option, in my opinion, especially not for those of us who write, or film, or make any other kind of “art” that provides us with any kind of a voice. I'd hoped to launch a perkier, peppier Substack in 2025, but we can only play the cards we're dealt.

On a personal note, I have two more years of scans and tests before anyone uses the other “C-word,” cured, and indeed anything can happen in that time. But if 2024 taught me anything, it affirmed the pure joy of friendships, the blessing of health, the enduring love of my husband of 39 years, the value of hard work, and the importance of not missing the fleeting moments of pure beauty that are all around us. And mostly, as always, the necessity of both gratitude, and grace.  

Shitty people will always wish you ill, and be driven to disappointment and rage by your joy. Let them be disappointed. They're not your lodestars; the good people are.

I'm a profoundly lucky, blessed, and loved person; may I never take that for granted.

Onward into 2025. I wish everyone reading this the very best in that journey.

Happy New Year, my dear friends. Let's do it together, and in joy.

Time moves in one direction only

I intensely dislike "vaguebooking," and I very, very rarely do it, but occasionally it's what's required. If I were to do it now, for instance, what I might say is this—I have another two and a half years to go before I'm declared "cured" of my cancer; until then, my life revolves around biannual scans and tests, and daily monitoring of my body, including a reflexive, sinking dread at the appearance of any unexplained pain, swelling, or fever. It's tiresome, believe me. I lost two creative years of my writing life while I was undergoing six operations and months of chemotherapy, but I was still able to get a book out this past summer. I'm low-key fighting to stay alive and to leave a few more books behind in case I fail. I don't have time for Internet drama, or ugly, spiteful chatterbox personal gossip on social media. Literally all I have time for is my husband of almost forty years, the final months of my Labrador Beckett's life, my family of the heart, my godchildren, my mentees, my wonderful real friends, my work, and my gratitude for all of it. You know, real-life shit. Also, I am sixty-two years old, and time moves in one direction only. Attempts by silly, self-important members of self-appointed cliques to drag me into their low-rent, sub-par social media backstabbing campaigns, or lies, or gutter-trash character assassinations, will be met with a polite, but firm, "no thank you," and a sincerely meant query regarding why my engager doesn't seem to have a life of his/her/their own—a life worth curating in an intelligent, creative, positive, loving way. C'est tout.

It's such a perfect day

 

It's been pretty much my most favourite kind of Toronto November Saturday afternoon, cold enough for my purple scarf.

Brunch with Dexter to go over his new student film concept, and get his impressions of his first Halloween in the city (he loved it, particularly the Church Street festivities, which he attended with his girlfriend and some friends from his film program at TMU.)

After lunch, I headed uptown to check out the explosion of Christmas decor that has bloomed since Halloween. I joke about it, but it's really quite beautiful. I came across a young writer sitting at a table in a busy bookstore signing his novel. We chatted, and I bought one—we've all been behind that table with a stack of our books with people milling around without stopping. I'm looking forward to digging in

The weather was classic fall—bright, cold, with intense colour. It was an easy day to love my fellow man; all of them I passed on the way home. The achingly attractive young couples and their model-looking children; the elderly couples, still obviously in love; the roving packs of teens, who seem to move their arms like propellers as they storm along the sidewalk; the blissed out middle-aged man trailing the scent of a marijuana behind him like a sail; all the small dogs walking their owners around downtown like publicists.

I stopped in at Glad Day Books on Church Street to have one of their delicious lavender lattes and check my email before the last stretch of the walk home.

As I sipped my latte and scrolled, a pair of studious looking queer teens explored the shelves upon which I wish there were more books. I loved their ease in that milieu, an ease that was literally inconceivable in, say, 1978, when I was their age.

"Nobody is 'born that way!'" hiss the religious fanatics and the political LGBTQ-phobes, two groups that intersect too often for my comfort. The answer to them is: "Sure they are. The trick is keeping them alive long enough to be strong enough to deal with you folks the way you deserve to be dealt with." (And, to the rest of us, write books for them.)

You need to be open to the magic of radiant, hard-blue, sourball-coloured autumn days like this, the same way you need to be open to love. If not, the perfection is so easy to miss.

Ron Oliver profile by Maddy Mahoney in Toronto Life

 This superb profile of my friend Ron Oliver in the November issue of Toronto Life is now online. Enjoy! 

https://torontolife.com/deep-dives/quality-trash-director-ron-oliver-hallmarks-king-of-schmaltz/

My American grandmother

 

My American grandmother, Alvina Becker Hardt, born in Alsace-Lorraine, Germany in 1902, at the very dawn of the 20th century, has been on my mind all day, almost as though her ghost has decided to pay me a visit. I half expect a drift of her perfume in empty rooms. I named the town on Alvina, Ontario in Wild Fell after her. Some of my most cherished early childhood memories are of her, her soft arms and hands, her thick German accent, the scent of her (very German) cooking, her occasionally florid emotionality, and mostly her utter delight in, and kindness towards me as a small gender-variant child. All my life I have not been able to shake the sense that my grandmother would not only have been OK with my queerness, but also that she saw it clearly before most people did, and wrapped it in a soft pink cloud of understanding, even protectiveness. I am gently and lovingly envious of my cousin Kimberley, who was able to spend more time with Grandma Hardt, and was the beneficiary of many of the things she had to teach, and her stories. Alvina died on May 23rd, 1976, while were living in Geneva. My mother must have gone back for the funeral, but I have no actual memory of her making that voyage back across the Atlantic. Childhood memories are odd things; but I will remember Alvina's tender touch until the day I die. This photograph of her was taken in our back yard in Ottawa, probably in the summer of 1972, with our Norwegian Elkhound, Prince. I cherish it for so many reasons.

Nova Scotia Thanksgiving, 2024

Tricked out in my white canvas Tilly hat like Jessica Fletcher off to solve a mystery on my annual pre-dinner Thanksgiving perambulation out past the salt marsh and the marina. The colours are a little late this year, after a warmer autumn than usual, but the cold salt breeze coming in off the water is absolutely autumnal and bracing. The sky is dazzling blue, almost painfully so.

I watched an eagle circle lazily above the trees bordering some brackish water, and on the way there, I watched two blue jays gamboling among the red leaves on infant maple leaves in the scrub forest and random splashes of red sumach.

This annual walk of mine is almost a religious pilgrimage—I took it in countryside out by the lake back in the days when we spent family Thanksgiving in Ontario. I always take it alone. It's me, communing with the beauty and silence of that natural world. It feels almost more meaningful here in Nova Scotia because the ocean makes it sacred somehow., as it has ever since I was a very small child on the Mediterranean coast, in Beirut.

I'm still high from last night at the dance at the Shore Club in Hubbards (an experience probably worth its own essay at some point, and one which engendered more joy than even I fully expected) and watching my beautiful goddaughter, Kate, as an adult among adults for perhaps the first real time; she's clearly inherited her mother's ability to own a dance floor—Kath, on a dance floor, is a vision. Of course I miss my godson Michael, who is not with us this year, but I carry the kids with me everywhere I go, in my heart. They're never far from me.

Quite apart from the utterly perfect Maritime authenticity of the spectacle in which I was fully participating, the delight of this mixed-age, mixed-skill crowd of celebrants dancing to the band was like oxygen I hadn't known I needed. Nova Scotia is good for the soul.

So much to give thanks for this year—good health, good marriage, good family, good friends, and an utterly beautiful day in the most beautiful part of a beautiful country. Even the absence of far-away loved ones is a joy of sorts, because one is reminded of how lucky one is to have them to miss.

May you all be similarly blessed.

 

Happy publication day to Nick Pullen's THE BLACK HUNGER!

I hunted down my dear friend Nicholas Pullen's stellar debut The Black Hunger on this, the evening of his publication day. I've been involved with this brilliant book since its earliest manuscript days, and there was a certain profoundly moving associative pride in seeing it on the bookshelves at Indigo tonight. It's a glorious book, and I urge any aficionado of intelligent, articulate gothic horror to seek it out and take that dark journey with him. Bravo, Nick!
 

Kingston Writers Festival 2024, wrapped

 

With award-winning veteran broadcaster and author Carol Off, before we took the stage on Saturday night. [Photo: Bernard Clark Photography]

Signing after our panel, with political scientist Rob Goodman, author of Not Here: Why American Democracy Is Eroding and How Canada Can Protect Itself at the Kingston Writer's Festival on the evening of September 28th. [Photo: Bernard Clark Photography]

Watching the countryside scroll past the train window as I reflect on this wonderful, whirlwind weekend. After years of not by any necessity traveling to the city of Kingston, Ontario, this has been my third trip, all related to my work. The first was in February when I spoke to jack.org at Queen's University. The second trip was my first encounter with the Kingston Writer's Festival when they invited me out upon the publication of PRIDE in June. The third trip, this one felt a bit like coming home.

I was so privileged to share a stage with Ken McGoogan, Rob Goodman, and Carol Off, and to participate in such a vibrant, occasionally passionate discussion on the future of democracy in North America, and to find similar and sympathetic perspective among intellectuals whose work I respect.

I was also very grateful to the audience, who clearly took in what we had to say, and had insights of their own.

He will likely never read this, but thanks in particular to the Indigenous Canadian gentleman on Zoom who asked about the place of Indigenous representation in the mythology of Canada.

He gave us a great deal to think about, chiefly how essential that representation is, and how if any of us believe the stories we tell ourselves about Canada, there is no way forward for us as a people without that reconciliations. Our "classic" vision of Canada needs to be able to survive that reconciliation, and it will, because it's an essential component of everything we believe about Canada at its best.

And the folks running the Kingston Writer's Festival itself have never failed to make me feel anything but entirely welcome, and their grace under pressure is one of the wonders of the world, especially the literary world.

And on a personal note, it meant to world to me to have my beloved Mary Davis Little, the matriarch of my Kingston family, following along on Zoom, and to have my godson Michael—who's been very kind about his godfather writing about him all these years, and photographing him his entire life, likely ad nauseam—in the audience, not far from my Thursday Wife™ Jenny, who made the trip up from Toronto

2024 has been an exceptional year, and a striking contrast to the years it followed. I think I'm going to keep doing exactly what I'm doing, because it all seems to be working somehow.

Clouds

 

These exquisite Ontario early-autumn clouds through the windshield of Stephen's car, on the drive home from Orillia this afternoon struck me as particularly poignant after Jordan and Clémence's lovely wedding yesterday.

This morning, I got up for breakfast at the hotel, not because I was hungry but because I needed a great deal of coffee to move "this morning" out of the realm of "last night" and into the present, as I made rather merry over the course of Saturday night.

My last view of their wedding was the intoxicating one, a dance floor filled with people I've loved for years, as well as some glorious new folks who crossed my life last night, most of whom I will likely never see again, but some of whom I'll never forget.

Not a bad look backwards on the way to my room at the Marriott and my lovely bed, all told.

The breakfast room was packed with people from one of the other two weddings who'd billeted their guests there this weekend. None of them were from "our" wedding, but the sheer joy they were experiencing in each other's company was very affecting. I felt part of it because of "our" wedding's joy (so much joy, in fact, that a number of "our" guests seemed to be sleeping it off upstairs) which, I know, mirrored theirs. I enjoyed my passive participation in their pleasure immensely.

Tomorrow I'll celebrate another trip around the sun. One of the great gifts of having so many of those trips under my belt by now has been the soul-igniting joy of watching the cycles of life open up in front of me like a sped-up stop-motion film of the life cycles of flowers.

In the photograph of me with Ben and Stephen yesterday, I was struck by a certain avuncular stolidity that seems to have set in. It's appropriate, and it feels good. It suits me, even it I can remember how jarring it might have been as recently as five years ago.

Likewise the bride and groom, and their/our younger friends—some of whom I vividly remember when they seemed as dewy and post-born as baby seals—have grown, and solidified into secure, confident, and rooted, strong, intelligent, loving adults.

We are, all of us, exactly where we should be in the panoply of events and experiences that being alive stitches together into the quilt that is life. There's so much beauty, and it's so very easy to miss if you're not watching for it.

Weddings can be a mixed bag, as I discussed with the other queer couple at yesterday's, but at their absolute best, we agreed, they can be a pageant that celebrates the very best of what makes us human—the cycles of life itself, and the joy of one naturally evolving into the next.

Between the 89-year old grandmother cutting up the dance floor, and the three and a half-year old for whom the entire floor of the banquet hall must have looked liked the most exciting runway they'd ever seen, and all of us at various mileposts between them, everything just clicked. 

And it was all...perfect.